“I am scared to tell my partner about my debt.”

https://www.fastcompany.com/3060357/the-secret-to-keeping-secrets

Last month I wrote about a deal breaker when it comes to dating and finances. In the post, A Major Deal Breaker When Dating, I explained that the deal breaker is not if someone needs to work on their finances. The deal breaker is whether they are willing to make a change.

But what if you are the one that needs to fix on your finances in the relationship?

Many of us feel the need to break the news to our partners that our financial situation is not ideal. This is a hard conversation to have. I know, because I am speaking from personal experience. There are some financial coaches that believe in order to make progress you must get your partner onboard and work together. While this is a perfect situation, many of us are living with feelings of shame and uncertainty around our money.

It is hard to be transparent with our partners when we are carrying emotional bagging from your financial past. You should not hold yourself back from moving forward and improving financially, just because you haven’t had a conversation with your partner about your situation. Additionally, if you are dating someone you haven’t yet intermingled your finances completely and you can make progress without your partner’s awareness.

Depending on how intermingled your finances are, you can start to pay off debt without having a conversation. In many relationships you don’t need to seek approval from your partner to make financial improvements. The idea that one person can’t move forward on a better financial path, because of the other is ridiculous. Believing this idea will stop you before you get started.

It is important to keep your independence. Why should you stay still and not make progress? Don’t hinder your ability to grow because your partner is not onboard, or you are not ready to expose your full financial condition.

Bottom Line

Bottom line is get started now! Don’t wait to start improving your life, because you are not ready to have the conversation with your partner. You are wasting precious time.

Something happens when you start to make decisions that push you into a positive direction. You build your confidence, because you have evidence that your plan works.

With this new confidence you can break the news to your partner. It turns a confession, into a celebration of the positive changes you are making. You will no longer be seeking permission to change your financial future. Now, you are simply informing them of the plan you have been on, which is making a difference in your life.

Now that that is out of the way. How do you let them know?

Well if you have followed my suggestion you will no longer feel as much stress and anxiety. You might still be nervous and that is natural. Discomfort is a place where new realities emerge, so don’t stray away from the conversation. Let your partner know that you have something very important to discuss and set aside time to really talk. Don’t rush it. Start off by telling them that you have been working on your finances and have made real progress. Let them know the positive changes first and then tell them the dream you have for your financial future. This puts the news in the positive and shows them you have put work into your plan. Coming into the conversation with an optimistic point of view will make a difference.